My Printer Doesn’t Work

Dear Coldstone Creamery,

You send me one of those two-for-one coupons that are awesome because my wife likes fruit in her ice cream and I don’t. It’s not that I don’t like sharing. My wife is welcome to eat my awesome KitKat-Carmel-Birthdaycake deliciousness. I just don’t want to share her strawberry-peach-lemonchellow craziness.

We had finished dinner at Kirk’s Steakburgers and had a hankerin’ for something sweet. The cupcake store was closed, you were open. Before entering your store, my wife and I had the following conversation in the car:

Wife: “I think I have a coupon for Coldstone.”
Me: “Yeah, me too. Let me check my phone.”
Wife: “I think mine is expired.”
Me: “I found one, let’s go.”

So we walked in and I held my phone up to the guy and had this conversation:

Me: “Is this coupon still good?”
You: “Oooh, that’s not a coupon. You have to print it out.”
Me: “My printer doesn’t work, so I can’t print it out. Why do you need me to print it out?”
You: “I have to staple it to the receipt.”
Me: Buh bye.

So we went home and ate the chocolate cream pie in our fridge. So my questions for you are these: Why didn’t you want my money? Why are you forcing your franchisees to jump through hoops to make money in this economy? We aren’t in 2003 anymore, why are your coupons?